Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
