Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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