1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
