new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
