I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.