Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
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Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
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don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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