So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
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she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
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The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone