Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me