...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
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She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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