Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
