3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
