Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
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She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
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the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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