He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
