you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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