She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
why do cheetos always look like penises
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
