Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
