just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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