I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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