I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
