I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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