If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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