Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
