Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
