I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
