If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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