He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.