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• (650): View more from California

  so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.

  (415): View more from California

  What...you let him do that?

  (650): View more from California

  It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow

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• (817): View more from Texas

  He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (347): View more from New York

  So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.

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• (831): View more from California

  My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover

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• (305): View more from Florida

  One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.

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• (731): View more from Tennessee

  I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis

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• (469): View more from Texas

  I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed

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