I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.