CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME