I puked a lego.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
