Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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