I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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