Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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