Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
