shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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