i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
