I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
