Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Are my feet made of real feet?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
