I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
