Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
