I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
