i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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