just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
