There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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