she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
