I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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