I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The uberlube is also flammable
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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