Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
