i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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