My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
