I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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