and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
