I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
