He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
