Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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