break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
