i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
