I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
