...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
