Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
