Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
