I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
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I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
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I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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