I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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