she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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