I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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