I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
