How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize