after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
