I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
