I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
How's work?
Spinning.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He called his prostate his "boner button".
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
